I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
