8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
