Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
