Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
