Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just had sex on a roof
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
