it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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