I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
