He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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