i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
