A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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