So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
