Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
