p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
