Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
