Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
