If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
