I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
