i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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