R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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