I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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