What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
