Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
