I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
