Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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