I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
