i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
