I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You pole danced in your parka.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
