If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
