Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
