I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
