My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
