Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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