Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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