I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
