STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
