I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
