It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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