i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
