No stitches, just platelets and will power
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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