Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
