so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
