I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
