areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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