Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
