none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
