Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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