I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
