so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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