They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
