Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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